Friday, September 27, 2013

video
Well it's probably been a week longer than I intended to update everyone.

 But It's Friday night, I made a great (lots of fat) dinner -- remember I am the stress eater, so plenty of food here if you want to stop by, grab a big plate and eat up... enough for an army here.

Mike and I decided we needed to alternate our days, and it's kinda a crazy to be home working and not trying to call a million times.

So.....

Three hospitals, in 37 days.

Been a little.. insane

The video you see, is when we were at Florida Hospital South  before moving mom to LTAC facility  (which by the way, Florida South was INCREDIBLY crazy good.... I seriously couldn't find anything bad to point out with them... truly a GREAT staff, and doctors)

But,  mom with everything she has been through,
 all doctors and surgeons say...

 " No can do... we won't do surgery... she is too weak, bacterial infection etc."

and it is true...

right now if my mom stood up for more than 5 minutes on her feet I would feel a victory.  But not yet.  Right now, its just about one minute enough to stand and get to the recliner.

So today, mom is now (third hospital) at a LTAC facility (Long Term Acute Care)  it is like a mini hospital.  They have doctors, and wound care specialist to take care of specialized cases.

It's been a lot of emotions with my mom...

frustration,
anger,
fatigue,
hope,
laughs,
intimacy,
and crazy questions..

" Karen, are feeding the dogs?"

 "Mom, what dogs?"

"Karen, why are you trying to make me feel like I am loosing my mind???
....you know what dogs, the two I have  ....." 

(pause, the look on her face... ummmm --- maybe I don't have dogs.)

She doesn't have dogs, or cats... did have A dog, but never plural .....

Another lesson...

BE STILL and KNOW that I am GOD.
or

BE STILL-- SHUT UP, and KNOW...
you are here, and it doesn't matter how many dogs she has or have not have.

it does't matter.


and then sitting in moms room, and hearing so much all day:

....he is getting his foot amputated in the morning,

.... this is her 7th surgery....... 

.....STAT room 3123!)  

and me thinking.. "did I get the phone bill paid??"

Kinda puts it all in prospective.

We have heard and seen it all, with my mom, and others... those loosing the battle, those arriving, the middle of the night noises ...

For me -- a new day every day!
Mike and I are now alternating days because our understanding is she could be there for 3-6 months.

I KNOW she can get through this... but I am not sure she does.

How does someone sitting in ....a hospital bed,
no food,
no exercise
and really no conversation other than Michael and I.
how do they do it?

I focus on that beautiful double rainbow!

....an arch of colors formed in the sky in certain circumstances, caused by the refraction and dispersion of the sun's light by rain or other water droplets in the atmosphere.

When I read that... I stopped..
and read it again...

CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES
and refraction (which that is a big word for me) So I looked it up,

 "The turning or bending of any wave, such as a light or sound wave, when it passes from one medium into another of different optical density...."

and so... for me the TURNING is the prayers... and the magnitude or BENDING is all of you and your prayers!

I feel them!  I embrace them.......
( I really do )


If you would like to send a card or a note, or anything to my momma ( I get tons of emails, texts and calls)
Surprise her......

I will read to her
I will play music for her
I will show her cards

Here is the address:

Select Specialty Hospital
Attn: Room 133
Virginia Kerr "Vickey"
5579 South Orange Ave
Edgewood, FL  32132

This is long enough....
Until we blog again... my friends.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

It's time to Blog again...

I got this card from Rindy Fenlon, and it said...

 " The Rollercoaster of Life can sure take ya for some Crazy Wild Rides!  
but hang on!.. 
Cause Everything's gonna be ALL-RIGHT!!!"

I have that set on my desk so I look at it every time I sit at my desk (which hasn't been as often as normal) but nonetheless, I read it, and it's true.

Our rollercoaster has TRULY been a journey, and a  pretty intense ride, almost like a ride with a Scary movie all at the same time!

Today is Day 30 for my mother and her hospital trip. ( I know you are like me -- WHAT????)

 I would say in this time, that she has probably lost about 30 pounds
(not that she didn't need to loose weight - but not this way)

In this time, she has been through two MAJOR surgeries, the second being worse than the first (when we thought it would be easier) she has been on Life support, no solid food for over 30 days!

From someone like me that doesn't miss a meal, and when under stress, I WISH I was like those like my brother who can't eat-- me I eat ANYTHING that won't eat me first!!!

So I have pretty much "found" the weight he has lost.

But--- we have some additional things now to add to day 30,

We have now developed a bacterial infection, because of the same leak not being healed, and her feeding tube "backing up" as well.  We (my brother and I) got the news, or words...

 "I am basically concerned, 
I am not sure she is going to make it, and I am not sure there is anything else I can do....."  

THAT right there is up there with the 3:30am call that we got ...

"We need to put your mother on life support because she is about to go into cardiac arrest..."   

Helpless, and in no control...

After the words --- I am not sure I can do anything.... there must have been a force out there, because I was FLOODED with ---

"second opinion, or
 THAT IS NOT acceptable! 
 this is NOT cancer!!!, and your mother has come WAY too far to just lay in a bed and die...." 
 (and so many others) 
I even had one CRAZY friend say...what about Gorilla Glue!!???

can I tell you...

I needed this...

Even strong, motivated, encouragers, have a breaking point.

that day was mine.


But this is where, when you
 "Let go and let God" 

..... things happen.

I was exhausted (still am, but with JOY today)  SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of you have texted me, sent me emails, sent me notes/cards, called me, made me go out to get away, even had my house cleaned (you know who you are girls)  and I had to just stop...

Be Still
and know...that I am God.

I think that came to me when I was out on my driveway this past week at 2am in the morning, laying out on my driveway staring at the moon and stars  (and hoping no spiders or bugs would crawl on me)  and just praying.

Lord.... 
I am a control freak.
I don't practice what I preach.
What I am doing, is not working....
I'm tired...
like... I am REALLY tired....
am I making right decisions?, wrong decisions?...

then I--- like most others ---I am ready for the answer...
 (you know squinting your eyes to see if it is the right answer)

....all I was hearing was crickets... and Sorrento back woods noises.

why? because I was trying to "hear" what I wanted...

so nothing..

next day.
with no sleep and basically going thru the motions... kinda -- numb
things started happening.

Name for a second opinion (thank you kent and michelle) came to us.
Preparing to tell surgeon we were wanting a second opinion, he came in and offered the idea of a specialist, and literally I gave him the name, he made the call and I was even able to talk to the recommended surgeon.
The new surgeon said, I will take this on.

then, it's "at this point we wait on a bed... will more than likely be tomorrow..."

I get a call that night at 1030pm
 bed available and we getting her ready to transport. 

Throw clothes on..
and my thoughts... hair, or brush my teeth...

sooooo my breath was fresh, but my hair... well... yeah... my hair. =)

Everything was PERFECT!  They were waiting on her... room ready, AND they have a 24/7 coffee machine!!

Today (this morning...)  Things took off like you can't believe.
Nurses INCREDIBLE,
Surgeons nurse practitioner comes in.. she and the nurse undo her dressing... and BAM
Ordered...

Infectious specialist doctor on board to get the proper antibiotics
Wound Doctor on board to instruct how to dress her infected incision.

and on and on and on...

for the first time in 30 days... I just sat.... just sat... and watched,
In Peace.


OH and for the first time...
My momma SLEPT!  She slepted and SNORED and SNORED LOUDER, and it was the most beautiful noise I have ever heard..

They even had to change out IV's in her arm -- and I wish I had taken a picture... with her snoring and her arm just hanging out...  I couldn't believe it.

So... (I have sooooo many more awesome stories...)  But where we are at...

#1   CLEAR UP bacterial infection - it's not just a little thing.. it's pretty big, like REALLY big
#2   Surgery (for the Third time)

yes... #3  and she is 70 years old.  poor health has over come everything you have read, and to have to go in "one more time"  

yes... I weep.  her pain... but she is a WARRIOR... I tell her that everyday...
She wants to live.  I know she does, or she would have been gone on the day I was getting her out of the shower ready for the paramedics on August 18th.


Check this picture out....



Why is it... when things like this happen you start looking though those photo albums...

because they CAPTURE those moments, we HOPE we will remember...

This is my mom.... (and of course my daddy - who died at 48) on their wedding day.
Look at her... is she not the most BEAUTIFUL girl ever?  that little panamanian crazy woman.

I think for me what I have learned in walking the halls of the hospital day after day after day after day,
 is this...

These OLDER AILING people... are this..

People.
They are someones mom/dad.
The are someones sister/brother.
A Grandma/or grandpa.

I have looked at myself in the mirror.. and know...
I am going to be 70 -- or 80 -- or 90
(shooting for 100)

but, for me ... I am here. and I have learned, we ALL need to be that caretaker of those you love...

We have got to take those steps, and like me FINALLY let go of the control, and let God provide... and he has indeed.

Every person in a situation like this, is STILL an encyclopedia of our lives.

They are one of those books...

Pray for this challenging week for  my brother and I, and the Panamanian Spunk in my mother--- gets through this!

Call that person you have been thinking about this week or Today... (you know someone popped into your mind)

 Go visit that one that you say
"dang... I REALLY meant to get by and see her or him... but things just got crazy"

make the time....

I have crocheted 2 blankets, and just finished a scarf, (and I haven't picked up a needle in years) because my mom hates cell phones and computers....(yes imagine me waiting on her to catnap and look at emails on my phone.. )
but after all of this stuff....and knowing I couldn't be on that phone 24/7

It kinda felt...

Good.

xoxox
Until We Blog Again!
karen

Friday, September 6, 2013

It's 1012pm

Today-- a great day (will have a much better blog tomorrow) but for now..

No Cancer!  Mom is in ICU... she is hurting-- after this surgery... BUT she is not on a ventilator, she is NOT on the heavy Pain Meds, ALL of her vitals are PERFECT!   and they have all her tubes in her stomach so we don't have to worry about her pulling her nose tubes out EVER!!

Today while exhausted - no sleep --- praying constantly...

GREAT GREAT day!

Your prayers.. your commands of healing... your blocking that crazy devil..

IT WORKS!!!

more tomorrow....
for now..
I am going to bed and collapsing...

love all of you... more than you know!

kk

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Hey Everyone!


Well tomorrow is the day..
Mom will be going in for her second major surgery.  The details are this.

They will go back in, and see why the patch is still leaking.  They will be doing biopsy on the ulcerated area to see if it is cancerous.  (yup that word) and the reason it was originally tested is because it was a life and death situation to get her patched up asap.

So....

If there is cancer... then they remove that part of her stomach
If it is not, then they will re patch her.

She will be in ICU again and more than likely on a ventilator.

She is in better shape for this, than from the first.

Her surgery is mid morning... (whenever that is...)

I will keep everyone posted!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Well... nothing like letting a blog gather dust for this loooooong! 

But I did.   My daughter, Lauren, 5 years ago told me to create a blog for everything I write, people would love to read and respond... and I did (until I got busy) and so I have now blown off the dust and "re-blogging"  I am sure that is a word in our day and age. =)

So I am starting this blog again, because I have so many beautiful friends and family that are wanting to know what is going on with my mom, Vickey.   Because of the several groups I have, I really prayed and decided I needed to revisit the blog site, and leave our other groups as DYNAMIC as ever and let people just check in with the blog site... to see what is happenin!

But don't you worry with this blog, I have funnies, and promise to keep you updated on not just this ---but everything!  "a Blog"

and so......

The journey with my mother and her recent encounter with 911, ambulance, and hospital all started on August 18th (my sons 23 birthday) .  I will not be revisiting all of that (I will post that later.. because it will make you laugh) 

but for now.. 
today 
this second, 

I am here at home because today was my little breakdown day... one of those days that all of a sudden the dam breaks open and you are trying to swim to the side, and then someone tugs or grabs at your leg (you know that feeling and you start dog paddling with panic and hope you don't kick them off enough to drown them, but somehow they hold on)  yeah... that has been today!

Today is Day 18 in the hospital (12 of which was in Critical Care - life support and all)  and we (my brother and I, Mike) got the news today - Sept 4th --that there is still a leak in her stomach and will need surgery again.

The picture that you are seeing of my mom is probably the best picture EVER
(at my son's high school graduation --- which if you see her smiling IMAGINE my smile!! lol) 



She is 4'11 and a Panamanian (Panama) through and through. 

My dad called her the "Panamanian Devil, Mean as a snake,protect her family --- knows what is going on.. 
When you think she isn't listening--- SHE IS..
and doesn't take ANYTHING." 

It's ALL true.

Her STRENGTH in that little body of her's ----She has overcome so much already... including not having solid food now for 21 days.  (and yes I have warned the nurses if you give her BBQ sauce she may just eat your leg!)  

So... the news today, Surgery again.  

It will be this Friday, and it means she goes back to square one, and going under.... dealing with anesthesia and hoping her lungs can do this (she also has COPD -- not diagnosed, but everyone that has seen her is willing to lay a bet.  50+ years of smoking...... )   she had to be on a ventilator and couldn't do it on her own. 

Mom ignored pains she had been having for quite some time... it escalated and in one week it went from bad to HORRIBLE.  I got the call from her (as she is getting ready to get in the shower to make herself all clean--hair etc) and tells me... Karen come help me in the shower, and then we need to call 911.  WHAT???  

I was there the fastest I have ever been--- my brother is there, and yes got her out of the shower and dressed (only because I told her the paramedics were going to have to get her out of the shower naked!!)  and that night ---emergency surgery--- noted from the surgeon, the biggest "perforation"   he has ever seen.  He went in, irrigated her whole insides, and found the leak... an ulcer that pretty much burst.  (for longer than that day.. like a week )

In recovery because of her smoking(50 + years)... her lungs had problems recovering and we got that infamous 3am call...that they had to ventilate her because she was going into cardiac arrest.

So she was on a ventilator -- lifeless for 12 days.

So here we are... back to the above.... 
there is still a leak, and this Friday, my momma will be going in for surgery again.  

She is stronger, her insides are cleaner... but with meds... she looks at my brother and I like.... "do I really have to do this again?"

And so... while right now she doesn't know.. my brother and I are left to make the decision.  and I want to let you all know this... 

No matter what you have watched or heard, this is NOT anything you ever want to go thru.

Will you all pray with me?  

Not... Lord if it is your will-- (because this is not God's will)  I know this..  

Everything we go through is based on OUR decisions and facing the consequences or results --

God's will is she be healed... the Devil on the other hand will creep in our minds -- my mom's mind...and make us think otherwise... and so... my prayer is against the "itty bitty worthless devil" 
to get the HECK out of here...   it's kinda crazy... but true.  

I know God wants my momma healed and back to being "mrs. cravitz" of the neighborhood... but it's keeping Guard over the devil creeping in and having a field day...

More to come..
Love to all of you!!