I got this card from Rindy Fenlon, and it said...
" The Rollercoaster of Life can sure take ya for some Crazy Wild Rides!
but hang on!..
Cause Everything's gonna be ALL-RIGHT!!!"
I have that set on my desk so I look at it every time I sit at my desk (which hasn't been as often as normal) but nonetheless, I read it, and it's true.
Our rollercoaster has TRULY been a journey, and a pretty intense ride, almost like a ride with a Scary movie all at the same time!
Today is Day 30 for my mother and her hospital trip. ( I know you are like me -- WHAT????)
I would say in this time, that she has probably lost about 30 pounds
(not that she didn't need to loose weight - but not this way)
In this time, she has been through two MAJOR surgeries, the second being worse than the first (when we thought it would be easier) she has been on Life support, no solid food for over 30 days!
From someone like me that doesn't miss a meal, and when under stress, I WISH I was like those like my brother who can't eat-- me I eat ANYTHING that won't eat me first!!!
So I have pretty much "found" the weight he has lost.
But--- we have some additional things now to add to day 30,
We have now developed a bacterial infection, because of the same leak not being healed, and her feeding tube "backing up" as well. We (my brother and I) got the news, or words...
"I am basically concerned,
I am not sure she is going to make it, and I am not sure there is anything else I can do....."
THAT right there is up there with the 3:30am call that we got ...
"We need to put your mother on life support because she is about to go into cardiac arrest..."
Helpless, and in no control...
After the words --- I am not sure I can do anything.... there must have been a force out there, because I was FLOODED with ---
"second opinion, or
THAT IS NOT acceptable!
this is NOT cancer!!!, and your mother has come WAY too far to just lay in a bed and die...."
(and so many others)
I even had one CRAZY friend say...what about Gorilla Glue!!???
can I tell you...
I needed this...
Even strong, motivated, encouragers, have a breaking point.
that day was mine.
But this is where, when you
"Let go and let God"
..... things happen.
I was exhausted (still am, but with JOY today) SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many of you have texted me, sent me emails, sent me notes/cards, called me, made me go out to get away, even had my house cleaned (you know who you are girls) and I had to just stop...
and know...that I am God.
I think that came to me when I was out on my driveway this past week at 2am in the morning, laying out on my driveway staring at the moon and stars (and hoping no spiders or bugs would crawl on me) and just praying.
I am a control freak.
I don't practice what I preach.
What I am doing, is not working....
like... I am REALLY tired....
am I making right decisions?, wrong decisions?...
then I--- like most others ---I am ready for the answer...
(you know squinting your eyes to see if it is the right answer)
....all I was hearing was crickets... and Sorrento back woods noises.
why? because I was trying to "hear" what I wanted...
with no sleep and basically going thru the motions... kinda -- numb
things started happening.
Name for a second opinion (thank you kent and michelle) came to us.
Preparing to tell surgeon we were wanting a second opinion, he came in and offered the idea of a specialist, and literally I gave him the name, he made the call and I was even able to talk to the recommended surgeon.
The new surgeon said, I will take this on.
then, it's "at this point we wait on a bed... will more than likely be tomorrow..."
I get a call that night at 1030pm
bed available and we getting her ready to transport.
Throw clothes on..
and my thoughts... hair, or brush my teeth...
sooooo my breath was fresh, but my hair... well... yeah... my hair. =)
Everything was PERFECT! They were waiting on her... room ready, AND they have a 24/7 coffee machine!!
Today (this morning...) Things took off like you can't believe.
Surgeons nurse practitioner comes in.. she and the nurse undo her dressing... and BAM
Infectious specialist doctor on board to get the proper antibiotics
Wound Doctor on board to instruct how to dress her infected incision.
and on and on and on...
for the first time in 30 days... I just sat.... just sat... and watched,
OH and for the first time...
My momma SLEPT! She slepted and SNORED and SNORED LOUDER, and it was the most beautiful noise I have ever heard..
They even had to change out IV's in her arm -- and I wish I had taken a picture... with her snoring and her arm just hanging out... I couldn't believe it.
So... (I have sooooo many more awesome stories...) But where we are at...
#1 CLEAR UP bacterial infection - it's not just a little thing.. it's pretty big, like REALLY big
#2 Surgery (for the Third time)
yes... #3 and she is 70 years old. poor health has over come everything you have read, and to have to go in "one more time"
yes... I weep. her pain... but she is a WARRIOR... I tell her that everyday...
She wants to live. I know she does, or she would have been gone on the day I was getting her out of the shower ready for the paramedics on August 18th.
Check this picture out....
Why is it... when things like this happen you start looking though those photo albums...
because they CAPTURE those moments, we HOPE we will remember...
This is my mom.... (and of course my daddy - who died at 48) on their wedding day.
Look at her... is she not the most BEAUTIFUL girl ever? that little panamanian crazy woman.
I think for me what I have learned in walking the halls of the hospital day after day after day after day,
These OLDER AILING people... are this..
They are someones mom/dad.
The are someones sister/brother.
A Grandma/or grandpa.
I have looked at myself in the mirror.. and know...
I am going to be 70 -- or 80 -- or 90
(shooting for 100)
but, for me ... I am here. and I have learned, we ALL need to be that caretaker of those you love...
We have got to take those steps, and like me FINALLY let go of the control, and let God provide... and he has indeed.
Every person in a situation like this, is STILL an encyclopedia of our lives.
They are one of those books...
Pray for this challenging week for my brother and I, and the Panamanian Spunk in my mother--- gets through this!
Call that person you have been thinking about this week or Today... (you know someone popped into your mind)
Go visit that one that you say
"dang... I REALLY meant to get by and see her or him... but things just got crazy"
make the time....
I have crocheted 2 blankets, and just finished a scarf, (and I haven't picked up a needle in years) because my mom hates cell phones and computers....(yes imagine me waiting on her to catnap and look at emails on my phone.. )
but after all of this stuff....and knowing I couldn't be on that phone 24/7
It kinda felt...
Until We Blog Again!